Sontarans in Vegas
by xXdreameaterXx
Summary: The Doctor and Clara wake up in a honeymoon suite in Las Vegas with no recollection of what had happened. Did they accidentally get married? Or are they in the middle of a new alien threat? Twelve/Clara. Whouffaldi. Humour.


**Sontarans in Vegas**

Clara was having the sweetest of dreams. The Doctor had parked his TARDIS on a very fluffy cloud and she was jumping around, letting herself fall down into the white softness, giggling and enjoying herself a little too much for the Doctor's taste. And then she woke up. At first she tried to keep her eyes closed and fall back asleep to continue a dream, knowing full well already that walking on clouds wasn't possible, but something felt odd. Something was moving beneath her. Then Clara opened her eyes. And so did the Doctor.

They stared each other in the face for quite some time, both too shocked to do anything about the fact that they were lying on top of each other.

"Are we wearing clothes?" the Doctor asked quietly, cautiously.

Clara let her eyes wander and sighed with relief. "Yeah, we are."

"Good. That's good," he looked at her, his face still a mask of horror and shock, "Could you. . . please. . . I mean, . . ."

"Oh, uhm, sure," Clara spluttered and jumped off him, settling on the other side of the bed.

It was only now that she really became aware of her surroundings. They weren't in her bedroom at home, and they also weren't in the TARDIS, unless the Doctor had redecorated again while she had slept, which was very unlikely. The place looked like a very expensive, luxurious hotel room.

"Doctor, where are we?" she asked uncertainly.

The Doctor appeared to haven't noticed the room until now.

"Not a clue," he murmured, eyeing the place with interest, "Shall we find out?"

He jumped out of bed and headed for one of the large windows, and Clara felt the need to point out the obvious. How could a man as smart as him miss the most important question?

"Ah, Las Vegas. Earth. Judging from the cars on the street, early 21th century," he went on to explain.

"Yes, but how did we get here? Last thing I remember is that you dragged me to this alien wedding."

The Doctor turned around to face her, looking a little puzzled now. She saw him frown before his face relaxed again. He was about to start saying something a few times, but stopped immediately.

"Well?"

"I have no idea," the Doctor admitted, "I remember arriving at the wedding. I remember having a drink with the ambassador. I remember you begging me to dance and I said no."

Clara stared at him for a moment, thinking, trying to remember what had happened to bring them here. She also couldn't spot the TARDIS. It had to be somewhere close, otherwise how would they have gotten from an alien planet to Las Vegas?

"Doctor, is it possible that we got drunk at the wedding and somehow ended up in Vegas?" Clara asked carefully.

The Doctor snorted. "Please, I'm a Time Lord, Clara. I don't get drunk."

"Well, do you have a better explanation as to how we got here?"

"Aliens!"

"Doctor, you _are_ an alien. And the only one I can see around here in this place. . . hang on," Clara jumped off the bed and headed for the door. She stepped onto the corridor and turned around to look at the door of their hotel room. It had a golden plate nailed to it, with italic letters reading the words _Honeymoon Suite_.

Clara walked back inside and slammed the door shut.

"We are in the honeymoon suite," she announced angrily.

"What?" the Doctor asked her, more confused than ever.

"We are in the honeymoon suite. Why are we in the honeymoon suite?" Clara realized she sounded a little more panicked than she would have liked.

"And I still have no idea," the Doctor replied, now walking outside to see the plate for himself.

Clara took a deep breath. "Doctor, is it possible that we indeed get drunk at the wedding and somehow decided to go to Vegas. . . and got married?"

"Well, I wouldn't say it's _im_possible," the Doctor said carefully, "Highly unlikely, but by the way you were trying to grope me at the wedding. . ."

"Ha, I didn't grope you. I asked you if you would dance with me."

"Where I come from that's basically the same thing."

"It is not!"

Both fell silent for a moment to look at each other. Clara truly hoped there was a better explanation for all of this somewhere in the Doctor's mind that he was going to share with her any second now.

"Well, if we got married it's totally your fault," he resumed the argument, turning away from her and looking frantically around the place.

"Doctor!" Clara yelled angrily, "What are you doing?"

"Trying to find my TARDIS. I want to check the flight pattern to see if we came here directly after the wedding. But it's not here."

"Well, maybe it's downstairs somewhere," she suggested with a slight shrug.

"Downstairs. Yes, yes, that's good. Let's go downstairs," the Doctor pointed at her while walking past and headed out for the room.

When they left their suite another couple was also standing on the corridor and they quickly went to congratulate Clara and the Doctor, to which he only groaned in reply. There was no sign of the TARDIS on the corridor or in the hall so the Doctor decided to ask the receptionist

"Oh, good morning, sir. How may I help you?" the woman asked happily.

"Erm, yes, this is the Doctor, room 12, and I'm looking for a big, blue box."

"Ohhhh, congratulations," she smiled at him.

Clara heard the Doctor growl at her and when she saw the woman's frightened face, she decided to step in. Clara took the Doctor's arm and put on her sweetest smile.

"You must excuse my husband. He is not a morning person."

"I'm not a people person, that's more like it. Especially not a pudding brain person."

Clara cleared her throat and indicated to the woman behind the reception.

"Sorry," Clara said, "But seriously, have you seen a big, blue box? And when I say big, I mean big. You really can't miss it. It says 'police'."

The receptionist shook her head. "I'm really sorry, but I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Too bad, but thanks anyway. Have a nice day," Clara said and quickly dragged the Doctor away from the desk before he uttered all the rude things that were probably going through his mind right now.

"Thank you. Enjoy your honeymoon!" the woman called after them and Clara couldn't prevent the Doctor from hearing it.

He turned around, furiously.

"Alright, that's it," he yelled, "Marriage isn't fun! Ask a couple of Henry VIII's wives, I bet they'll back me up on this! Yes, that's right. Ask Anne Boleyn, ask Anne of Cleves or the one that came after that whose name I've forgotten but she was very good at embroidery and told the dirtiest jokes. _Ask them!_"

"Doctor, come on," Clara said in a hushed voice, trying to drag him out of the hall when she noticed people were beginning to stare, "Let's see if you parked in the basement."

It wasn't easy dragging an angry Doctor out of anything but eventually Clara managed and they found the door that led into the basement.

"Do you really think it's so bad?" Clara asked as they continued to take the stairs into the basement.

"What?"

"You. Me. Being married."

"Of course it is," the Doctor replied immediately, "You're human, I'm a Time Lord. It's disgusting."

"Uhm. . . Marilyn Monroe? Queen Elizabeth I? Don't even try to deny it. I was there."

"Can we please just concentrate on finding the TARDIS?" he turned around, looking at her impatiently.

Clara started snickering. "You like me."

"Of course I like you, otherwise I wouldn't travel with you," he resumed walking.

"No, I mean you _like me_. You're just too afraid to admit it," Clara trailed after him.

"I've told you before, I'm not your boyfriend."

"Hehe, no, you're my husband," she broke out into laughter.

"Shut up!"

"Never. I think this is hilarious. I mean, obviously it isn't legal. You're not even registered anywhere on planet earth as a citizen. But the fact that we did it is kinda funny when you think about it for a while."

The Doctor groaned again.

"Too bad we don't remember anything. I'm really curious. Did you carry me over the threshold?"

"If I ask you again to shut up, will that work?"

"Probably not," Clara replied.

Only a few seconds later the Doctor suddenly turned around and pushed her against the wall with the whole weight of his own body. Another second later his lips were on hers and he was kissing her. Clara was too shocked to react at first. It wasn't really what she had expected to happen at this moment and she was torn between pushing him away for moving too quick and kissing him back when suddenly out of the corner of her eye she saw something moving through the corridor below them.

"Sontaran," the Doctor whispered, his lips still pressed to her own.

"What?" Clara let out a tiny little squeal.

The Doctor stepped away from her again and carefully looked around the corner.

"He's gone. But the question remains: What is a Sontaran doing in a hotel in Las Vegas?"

"Gambling?" Clara asked.

He turned around and wrinkled his nose at her. "Gambling? Those are clone warriors feared all over the galaxies. Why would they be gambling?"

"Well, I don't know. But if there are aliens in this hotel I'm pretty sure they'll have your TARDIS."

They both took the last steps to the basement and Clara watched the Doctor look around some more when her eyes caught something else. She lifted a Sontaran uniform off the ground.

"I think there's more than just one around here," she commented.

"I think you might be right," the Doctor stared at the uniform in Clara's hand and started scratching his head, "We need to find out what they're up to."

"How do we do that?"

"Well, we've got the uniform. All we need is someone small enough to fit in it," the Doctor said matter-of-factly.

"Who do you have in mind? Strax?" Clara asked.

She caught the Doctor staring down at her and immediately knew what he was going to suggest.

"Oh no," she said vehemently, "Noooooo! No way!"

A few minutes later Clara trudged around the corridor, her feet heavy in the Sontaran boots.

"Just act as if you belong to them. If spoken to, reply with something arrogant. Won't be too hard for you. . . _ouch_!" the Doctor exclaimed when Clara hit him over the head with one of the gloves.

"You owe me for this."

"You owe me for the wedding," the Doctor replied and ducked, obviously afraid Clara was going to hit him again, but when she didn't he continued, "Which isn't _such_ a bad thing. You were right."

"Not now, not while I'm angry with you," Clara reminded him, "We can consummate the marriage later."

"What?" the Doctor blurted out, his voice all of a sudden several octaves higher than usual.

Clara giggled. "Relax, I was joking."

"Good, now, remember. I soniced the voice transmit on this suit so I will be able to hear everything you hear. Just go in, try to find out what's going on and please, find the TARDIS."

Clara nodded and put the Sontaran helmet on. The smell was disgusting but she tried to ignore it and walked through the door, right into a room filled with Sontarans. The first thing she spotted after the warriors was something that made her sigh in relief. The TARDIS was standing right in the middle of the room, doors still closed. They hadn't been able to open it. Several Sontarans were busy tinkering with a console next to the blue box. Clara had no idea what it would do, but it didn't look good.

"I told you, we _need_ the Time Lord. Only he can open his spaceship," she heard one of the soldiers say, "And we should get him before he wakes up."

"What about the female?" another asked.

"If the memory worm didn't kill her, bring her. She can be used as means of persuasion."

So that was why they couldn't remember. They had probably landed here in Vegas for some reason, stumbled across the Sontarans, which had then taken the TARDIS and used a memory worm on both of them. It was a mere coincidence that they had been placed in the honeymoon suite. There hadn't been a wedding at all. Oh, how relieved the Doctor would be.

"Sir, I must congratulate you again," the one Sontaran spoke again, "It was a wise idea to use a Time Lord's TARDIS to manipulate the earthly time line. It will be even easier now to claim this world as a Sontaran colony."

"Shall I send for reinforcements?"

"No yet. First we need to see if the teleport controller is compatible with Time Lord technology. You there!"

Clara shot around, immediately knowing she was the one being spoken to.

"What is your name?" the Sontaran demanded to know of her.

Clara's heart started beating fast. What was she supposed to do? If she said the wrong thing, she'd be exposed and they wouldn't hesitate to kill her.

"I demand you tell me your name!"

"Commander Strax," Clara said in the deepest voice she could muster, ". . . sir."

"Commander Strax, why are you limping?"

"Old battle wound," Clara replied hesitantly and the Sontaran seemed quite impressed, until the other one he had spoken to earlier stepped closer.

"Hang on, Commander Strax, you said?"

Clara nodded. Suddenly her earpiece started playing random noises. And then she heard the Doctor's voice.

"Clara," he said urgently, "There is a teleport bracelet around your wrist. Take it off. Now! I'm coming in!"

Clara immediately began to struggle free of the device that was hooked to her uniform as the two Sontarans in front of her started approaching.

"Commander Strax has fallen from grace a long time ago. _Who_ are you?"

"The question is: Who am I? And what am I doing here?" the Doctor, who had suddenly appeared out of nowhere called into the room. Clara felt relieved to hear his voice and she had finally managed to take off the bracelet.

"It's the Doctor!" a couple of Sontarans muttered and immediately raised their weapons.

The Sontaran next to Clara stepped away from her and towards the Doctor.

"Doctor, you will open your time machine," his said, his laser gun pointed directly at him.

"Oh, you think? I'm not sure. I mean, it_ is_ bigger on the inside, yes, but I don't know if it's big enough for a Sontaran ego," the Doctor scoffed.

"You will open your TARDIS or the female dies," he threatened and pointed his gun at Clara. Obviously Sontarans weren't as stupid as she had hoped they would be. These Sontarans could even tell male and female apart.

"And what do we have here, hm?" the Doctor asked, stepping closer to the teleport controller, "I think this thing is supposed to send you through time, with the help of Time Lord technology, of course. I wonder what would happen if. . ."

The Doctor produced his sonic screwdriver and pointed it at the controller and a second later all of the Sontarans had vanished. Clara watched the Doctor reset his sonic and point at the device again, which went off into smoke and flame.

Clara finally took the helmet off and stared at the Doctor in amazement.

"Doctor, what did you do? Where have they gone?"

"Oh, you know, they wanted to time travel and I made that happen for them. Disabled their teleporter as well. No way back," he explained, pocketing his screwdriver, looking rather pleased with himself.

"But won't they just attack earth at that time?"

"Nothing to attack but dinosaurs. I sent them way, _way_ back. They'll just stay there until they die, millions and millions of years before human beings even come into existence. You know what would interest me? If there is a Sontaran skeleton somewhere in a natural history museum. Shall we go and have a look?"

The Doctor held out his arm and Clara took it reluctantly.

"But. . . I'm pretty sure there are more Sontarans out there? Won't they just come back and try to finish what the others started?" she asked.

"Ah, that's the thing with aliens. They always come back and they always have a new, stupid idea that won't work."

They both stepped inside the TARDIS and the Doctor already went to flick some switches, but Clara wasn't quite finished with their latest adventure.

"So, you're relieved we didn't actually get married?"

The Doctor looked up. "Yes. Otherwise you'd have to introduce me to your father now and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be too happy about a 2000 year age gap. Also I'm not good with parents. They always slap me, especially the female relatives."

"But you _do_ like me," Clara replied, looking smug.

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "Do we really have to go over this again?"

"You kissed me."

"Yes, in case there was an employee of the hotel approaching who was wondering what we were doing in the basement. It was our cover story."

"Tongue," Clara reminded him and he just groaned at her.

"Well, I wanted it to look convincing."

Clara giggled. "Yeah, you keep telling yourself that. Now, show me some natural history!"

She didn't have to say it twice. The TARDIS engines were already coming to live but Clara swore to herself that she was going to tease him about this trip forever, or at least until he admitted his true feelings. She knew it could take a while, but Clara was a very patient woman.


End file.
